19 April 2012

Stay-at-home mom, with a PhD

Now that I’m coming to the end of my first year as a doctoral student, I’m beginning to wonder what type of position I want to take on once I complete my degree. My dream job is to work as a researcher in teen-pregnancy prevention. I love teaching, so I’d like to do that, possibly on the side. If I could create my own position, I’d work full time as a researcher for a government agency or other non-profit organization and part time as a women’s health nursing instructor. But here’s the catch. I don’t want to work full time right away; I’d much rather spend the first few years after graduation starting a family.

I make no secret about the fact that my desire has always been to be a stay-at-home mother while my children are small. I want to have the opportunity to raise them without interference from a child-development or day-care center, at least until they are ready for preschool. When I make these types of statements aloud, I see the furrowed eyebrows of my colleagues. I used to get offended, but now I think it’s pretty funny. I don’t know why people assume that, just because I am in a doctoral program and want to establish a career in research, I also want to be a full-time career woman. The reality is this: If I am in any position to be a stay-at-home mom, I will be at home with a PhD.

Women have made important strides in employment over the past 50 years. I can appreciate all the struggles they had to go through so that I have the opportunities I have today to climb the corporate ladder. I am keenly aware of present-day gender imbalances in male-dominated career fields, so I understand the difficulties other women go through. I don’t have to deal with too many gender differences as a nurse, I’m thankful to say. (I will admit that I recently became aware that male nurses may come in at a higher salary and move up the ranks quicker than female nurses, but that may be because of their desire to show they are as capable of being good nurses as women. Who knows?) But my appreciation of past and present struggles of women who work outside the home is not enough of a reason for me to give up my own dream of being a stay-at-home mom.

One of the great things about nursing, especially for a person like me, is the flexibility the nursing profession offers. Even as a full-time staff nurse, I could work two to three days per week (12-hour shifts, of course). To be a full-time employee, yet stay at home four or five days per week is a pretty good deal, if you ask me. There’s also the option to work from home. As one of my classmates stated, “If you have a computer, you’ll be fine.” There are lots of nursing jobs that allow nurses to work from home. I can teach online, for example. There, I get the best of both worlds—I can continue to gain experience in my career and still be a stay-at-home mother.

If I had to give my honest opinion, I’d say earning a PhD opens—not closes—the door to stay-at-home motherhood. Nurses with doctoral degrees have many more career options than nurses who practice at the bedside. It is also my opinion that women should not feel pressured to work full time outside of their homes just because gender inequalities are less today than in times past. Women should feel free to work outside the home, stay at home to care for their children or otherwise work at home as they please.

A mother who chooses to stay at home the first few years of her child(ren)’s life/lives is no less committed to her career than a mother who chooses to return to her place of employment following her six-week postpartum visit. As members of a profession that is comprised mostly of women, we shouldn’t judge one another for wanting to take time away from our careers to tend to our families, nor should those of us who do make that choice impose our beliefs of familial importance on those who choose to sidestep traditional maternal roles to be full-time career women. To each her own.

For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published for the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.

12 comments:

  1. Completely agree with you there. Women should have the right to decide and plan their careers as per their priorities without being judged! Cheers!

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  2. Megs and Kai,
    Thank you for your comments. I find it very interesting that I have been given a "side eye" for expressing my feelings on this matter. It's almost as if people are saying, "but what about your career? Why go to school if you just want to sit at home?" I think that's the short-sighted view, but these are the types of things I'm used to hearing. But nursing isn't going anywhere and I don't plan to be too far removed from the profession when I become a mom. Actually, I'll probably be more active in my nursing organizations than I am now... imagine that!
    Tiffany

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  3. Wow! What a great article and courageous Ph D candidate! I'm at the end of my career, but my career began at the beginning of the women's movement. Talk about pressure to be totally career oriented! While I was very career oriented and loved the variety in nursing with visions of grad school in my head, I decided to work awhile first before going to grad school. A few years later, we had our first child (one of three)and my priorities began to change.

    Without writing an entire paper, suffice it to say that I chose to continue working part time, got advanced certification, and moved to a rural area without direct access to grad school. I'm glad it's easier now to get advanced degrees form just about anywhere, and I'm thankful that I could continue in nursing while nurturing our children. I've never regretted the time I was able to give them.

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  4. I just read your "Leadership" article in NWH. I enjoyed the article tremendously. More so than most of the articles; however, it is one of my favorite journals. What impacted me was your view on leadership, and, your scholarship program. You are probably the mentor I wish I had met in my 35 years of nursing. I too am a UCLA Nursing Alumnus.... I too have worked at Kaiser. I too, am daily caring for the pregnant teen! For myself, with all of my fancy degrees and certifications, I reflect, and say "I could have used an excellent mentor to assist me in my career".... my advice to you now, is to, "Follow your hearts dreams".....stay home, start a family....doors will definitely open for you.

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  5. Carol, my fellow Bruin nurse, thanks for your comment! I know my views are a bit more conservative than those of some of my colleagues who are hoping to be tenured-track professors in a few years, but that's ok. We only have one life to live, this is not a dress rehearsal, and we must do what makes us happy. I appreciate your support!!!

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  6. You pose a very interesting position and I respect your decision. You must do whatever works best for your family. Me personally, I have seen women try to return to the workplace after leaving to care for their young children and many of them have struggled to establish their careers again. Hopefully with your chosen field, this will not be an obstacle for you.

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  7. Hello, I was in your situation when I was almost done with my PhD, in fact I had my baby while I was writing my dissertation. I planned to stay at home only one year with my baby and then look for a job. I have a Biology degree focused on agricultural settings. My husband (who has the same PhD degree) and I moved to a small town because my husband got a very good job here. However, for me things have not been easy since then. I love to stay at home with my baby but I also want to continue with my career however I cant do it because I am geographically restricted to apply only to jobs around this area and that is of course not always easy. It has been two years now since I finished my PhD and now I have mix feelings. What would you do in my situation?

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  8. Thanks for all of the comments everyone! For the person who has the PhD and has been at home for two years, I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. I can't say that I wouldn't miss working outside of my home. Have you tried to find work online? Maybe as an online instructor? I also know a few people who work from home. It's not unheard of these days.

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  9. i like read ur article.i'm in the same situation. I got master degree in antrophology major a year ago. Before that, i worked as journalist. Now, i'm just stay at home mom, take care a daughter, 3 yo. I have a lot of ideas of business and have many skills. But, i cannot move to work at home because in the end of preparation i always aware that almost all ideas is not my desire. My big desire is to be a researcher. until now i have no move on my dream. I don't know how to do the first step to working in the field while take care my daughter. Sometime when i miss the research field, i just tell my self that it's not the right time.

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  10. i like read ur article.i'm in the same situation. I got master degree in antrophology major a year ago. Before that, i worked as journalist. Now, i'm just stay at home mom, take care a daughter, 3 yo. I have a lot of ideas of business and have many skills. But, i cannot move to work at home because in the end of preparation i always aware that almost all ideas is not my desire. My big desire is to be a researcher. until now i have no move on my dream. I don't know how to do the first step to working in the field while take care my daughter. Sometime when i miss the research field, i just tell my self that it's not the right time.

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  11. Happy Craft, I understand your position. I think that women have been told for far too long that we can have it all. We CAN have it all, just not all at the same time. I'm learning to enjoy life at whatever moment I find myself in. It may not always be the right time to push full steam ahead toward your dreams. When the time is right for you to go into research, there will be no denying it.

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