Before the start of my last year of the MSN program, I began to throw around the idea of going back to school one last time for my PhD. The thought of obtaining a PhD was somewhat of a fairy tale but, once graduation was over, it became an idea that was very real. I began to think about my high school ROP* instructor, who told me that each level of my educational process would be a little easier than the level before.
When I was an anxious high school senior preparing for graduation and not knowing what life as a college student would hold, she told me my high school diploma was the most taxing diploma I would ever earn. At the time, I thought she was nuts, but now, as I looked back, I understood what she meant. Each time I graduated and decided to return to school, I was studying something I wanted to study—something I was interested in, something I got excited about, something that made me want more knowledge. She was right; each diploma was a little easier to obtain than the one before, not because the coursework required less effort, but because my hunger for knowledge was a little stronger. After reflecting on the words of my ROP instructor, I decided I would allow my education to take me as far as I could go. I was going to earn my PhD!
I began the application process the same day I attended the PhD program orientation at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). When I walked into the orientation, UCLA was one of two universities I was considering to pursue my PhD. By the time I left, I had decided it was the only program I would apply to and, if I did not get in on my first try, I would continue applying until the university accepted me. That evening, I created my profile on UCLA’s online application website. I completed as much of the form as I could and began piecing my statement of purpose together. Little did I know at that time, I would be logging on to the site multiple times each week, and my statement of purpose would be revised almost every other day.
I learned during the program orientation that, after applying to the PhD program, meeting with current professors to discuss potential research areas is a good place to start, so I scheduled meetings with two nursing professors. Before those meetings, I thought I wanted to study nursing education, but they inspired me to study an area of nursing that I loved and not simply list an interesting research question in my statement of purpose.
It didn’t take long to acknowledge the area of labor and delivery I loved most—working with teenage patients. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like the fact they are pregnant, but caring for a pregnant teen brings out a sense of compassion and motherly protectiveness that I never felt when caring for adult women. I realized my desire, more than anything else, is to prevent teenage girls from having to face the harsh realities of motherhood. This is when my research focus changed from issues in the labor and delivery triage unit to teen-pregnancy prevention.
I wrote and rewrote, edited and revised my statement of purpose more times than I can count. Fifty revisions is probably on the conservative side. I changed the order of some paragraphs and completely deleted others. The part of writing the statement that I found most difficult was discussing my personal achievements. I understood that, because the PhD program does not include an interview as part of the application process, I had to “sell myself” on paper. But no one has a more difficult time than me when it comes to boasting of my accomplishments. While I enjoy keeping my friends and family abreast of my latest professional endeavors, I am not one to brag. I reviewed an early version of my statement of purpose with one nursing professor who told me I needed to do a better job of marketing myself. So, I went back to the drawing board and, as difficult as it was, I boasted of some of the wonderful successes I have experienced.
After working on my application for about two months, I finally pressed the Submit button. All of the transcripts had been mailed and letters of recommendation requested. Now, all I had to do was to wait … and wait … and wait. Waiting was, by far, the most challenging part of the entire application process. Once, during the waiting period, my mother asked me, “What are you going to do when you get in?” I remembered the old commercials from my childhood featuring Super Bowl champions, and I replied, “I’m going to Disneyland!”
Waiting to hear back from the school seemed to take forever, but that fateful day finally came. When I learned that I had been accepted to the program, I was overjoyed. I can’t quite put into words the way I felt. My dreams were coming true. Not long after word of my acceptance came, I was informed that I had also been awarded a fellowship. This was news I could not prepare for; for about a week, I felt like I was in a dream. Every time I told someone my good news, I smiled uncontrollably and wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I’m still in shock and in awe that I am entering a nursing PhD program in a few short months, and my tuition is already paid for.
When I was a high school senior, you couldn’t have paid me to believe I would someday be accepted into a PhD program. Me? No, not me! I’m the young woman from a broken home in Long Beach, California, who almost didn’t go to college because my mother couldn’t afford it. I wasn’t poised to become a nurse researcher then, but here I am, 11 years after my high school graduation, remembering the wise words of my high school ROP instructor and looking forward to all of the struggles and triumphs this PhD program will bring.
Disneyland, here I come!
*Regional Occupational Program (ROP) is a career-training program for high school students.
For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International.
