The same was true for my master’s program. I spent an entire year studying the ins and outs of nursing education. I wrote papers, gave presentations, and took exams. Still, moving from my theoretical understanding of the role of a nurse educator to actually functioning as a preceptor was a giant leap.
Here again
These days, I find myself at this juncture once more. I am moving from life as a PhD student who sits in classes and writes papers to that of a PhD candidate who conducts research and writes data-based manuscripts. This shift feels all too familiar and, just as before, slightly uncomfortable.
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| Photo credit: George Doyle/Valueline/Thinkstock |
The day I passed my oral qualifying exam, I couldn’t have been happier. Once my exam paperwork was filed with UCLA’s Graduate Division, I officially became a PhD candidate, and I could move from working on my dissertation study in theory to working on my actual dissertation study.
When I submitted my application to the Institutional Review Board (IRB) to ensure adherence to research-related governmental and institutional regulations, I expected to go back and forth with them for several months before receiving final study approval. This is what everyone told me to expect, and, as someone new to research, I assumed the process would go the way everyone told me it would. Imagine my surprise when my IRB application was approved—pending revisions—just two weeks after it was submitted. I made the requested revisions during the holiday break and didn’t expect to hear back from the IRB for at least a few weeks. Again, imagine my surprise when, less than a week later, my study was approved. Exactly one month from the day I submitted my first-ever IRB application, I had permission to begin my study.
Attacked by fear
I was excited, but the excitement was soon overcome by anxiety. Were the people on the IRB really giving me full permission to conduct my own study? Had they made a mistake? Didn’t they know I had never done this before? Did I honestly have the authority to recruit participants, collect and analyze data, and write up my findings—carte blanche? I felt the same way I did when I walked into a patient’s room for the first time—scared to death!
I couldn’t believe I was so fearful of conducting a study I had been planning for more than three years. This was the moment I had been waiting for, the moment my study would move from plans in my head—and the first four chapters of my dissertation—to a real-life research study. Why was I so afraid? What, exactly, was I afraid of?
As a nursing student, I was always afraid I would hurt someone. I never wanted to do anything that could potentially harm a patient. As a nurse educator student, I was afraid my students would have a less-than-stellar educational experience. As a PhD candidate, the fear is similar, yet not quite the same. My research does not require me to use any of my bedside nursing skills, so I have no fear of physically harming someone. There isn’t even a concern about subjecting someone to mental anguish or causing a cascade of emotional unraveling. To be frank, I have no idea what caused this sudden onset of research anxiety. What I do know is that I have been at this theory-and-practice crossroad several times before, and, each time, I made it through unscathed.
Regaining perspective
Never have I been asked to move from theory to practice without having a plethora of assistance at my disposal. This time is no different. I am not being thrown to the wolves with no hope of survival. I have an amazing team cheering me on. I constructed my dissertation committee purposefully. The committee chair and each of the other members have a unique set of research skills and expertise from which I can glean. There are also tons of other resources on campus, including statistics consulting, that I can use, should I get stuck at any phase of my study.
I’ve worked on the details of this study for a long time. It may not go according to plan. I may have to change some of my recruitment methods, or I may discover findings that were not anticipated. So what? It’s actually happening! I’m on the brink of conducting my very first research study (outside of small studies conducted for class assignments). I’m the one in charge, and I have an amazing team behind me. My ideas are coming to fruition. They have moved from my mind to my dissertation proposal, and now they are taking the final leap into reality. How exciting!
As nurses, we each experience times when we are afraid to take the next step. Sometimes, those fears are caused by external factors. But, many times, we scare ourselves. When thoughts arise telling you why you can’t make progress in your nursing education or in the nursing profession, combat them with reasons why you can and will. Surround yourself with people who remind you that the leap from theory to practice isn’t as frightening as you think—and with those who won’t let you fall if the leap turns out to be larger than expected.
Above all else, remember, you were made for this! Trust the training you’ve received. Trust yourself to put into practice everything you know. Trust yourself to flourish in your new role. Maintain faith that you are headed in the right direction. And, keep walking, keep advancing, keep progressing—in spite of your fears.
For Reflections on Nursing Leadership (RNL), published by the Honor Society of Nursing, Sigma Theta Tau International. Comments are moderated. Those that promote products or services will not be posted.
